Talk Like A Pirate Day
by fringeperson
Summary: How Jane and Thor met Darcy's uncle. Or: How she got that cutlass that's on display in her office. Or: Uncle Grumpy Cat's reaction to Darcy's involvement in the Dark Elves fiasco in England. Part of my Avengers on Sesame Street/The Avengers et al, Ltd. universe. One shot, don't own, complete.


Back when Darcy had just been Jane's unpaid intern, and then later her unpaid assistant, security hadn't been a big deal. There were the standard grainy cameras in the stores, and SHIELD when it had the bad manners to show up and classify everything all to hell, but security concerns hadn't really impacted her life beyond keeping her various passwords and credit card details a secret, and making sure she had the latest firewalls.

So when, two weeks after the Dark Elf thing, Darcy got a parcel in the mail with a note saying:

 _Sticks and stones are all very well, but sharp and pointy is better. I'll be in the area next week based on when the post office tells me this will reach you. I'll teach you how to use it properly. Let me know how your father reacts when he sees the news._

It was not a big deal. So the parcel had been a cutlass, so what? It was from her favourite and most awesome uncle. The great and terrible Grumpy Cat himself.

Now, if the cutlass and that promise had come from her Cousin Wade (Uncle Grumpy Cat's grandson, but Darcy could never keep straight if it was second cousin, or once removed, or what), then Darcy would have worried. She loved her Cousin Wade, she did, but she did not want his brand of crazy in the same zip-code as Jane (or Thor, for that matter) for as long as it would take for Darcy to learn how to use a big, sharp, pointy weapon.

As promised, Uncle Grumpy Cat showed up when he said he would, and knocked on the door of Jane's mother's flat, where Jane, Darcy, Erik, and Thor were all living in the wake of the Dark Elf near-apocolypse.

It was Ian (over to help make the food, which had just been demolished) who answered the door.

"Uh..." The weedy kid flailed in the face of such unashamed male-ness to which he could only aspire, and would never, ever reach.

"Lookin' for Darcy."

"Uncle!" Darcy called, and sprinted for the door when she heard his voice.

"Hey there Baby Girl," he said as he folded her into a hug.

By this time, Thor and Jane had followed, curious to meet a relative of Darcy's. Erik didn't, because he wasn't wearing any pants, and while everybody who lived in the flat had gotten used to this habit of his, it was still a cast-iron rule that he did not display himself to people who he hadn't first met while properly dressed.

"Doctor Frail, Prince Thor, I hope you don't mind if I borrow my niece for a while," he said as he set Darcy back on her feet again.

"It's Foster, not Frail -" Jane started.

"Janey, that's just how Uncle is," Darcy said, cutting her boss and best friend off quickly. "He does know your name, because I wrote to him, but every woman is 'frail' unless they prove otherwise. You're skinny and brainy, but your boyfriend is the brawn. No offence to Thor's own brain power, of course," she added with a smile in the big blond's direction.

Thor smiled down at Darcy in appreciation, while Jane huffed, but grumbled a concession all the same.

"Now, did Cousin Wade tell you what happened, or did you catch the news yourself?" Darcy asked as she grabbed the cutlass he'd sent her out of the umbrella stand.

"That mad grandson of mine let me know. Damn near choked on my whiskey," he answered with a hint of a growl and a flash of fang. "You heard from Jimmy yet?"

"Oh, he saw it on the news feed when it was happening," Darcy supplied. "He and the girl he _says_ he's not dating flew out the day after. She's nice, doesn't mind that Dad smokes like a chimney. Doesn't mind that he's a dad, either, which impressed me."

"You're father is courting?" Thor asked. He'd missed that visit, having gone back to Asgard to report the battle to Odin before he came back to be with Jane.

"And, excuse me for saying so, but you don't look old enough to have a grandson," Jane offered.

And suddenly Darcy remembered that they were all still standing in the doorway.

"Jimmy does that," Darcy's uncle said with a scoffing chuckle. "And I get that a lot, Doc Frail. Baby Girl, are we going out, or are you gonna invite me in and actually introduce me?"

"Out," Darcy said at once. "There is not the room in here for you to teach me how to use the cutlass you sent me. But... Jane, Thor, Ian, this is my Uncle Victor."

"It is an honour to meet one of Darcy's family, and that is most certainly true about there not being room inside for weapons practice," Thor said earnestly. "My Jane, let us leave the Valiant Darcy to her uncle's tutelage. You have science waiting for you, and Ian and I must wash up after our meal."

"Okay," Jane agreed. "Will we see you both at dinner?"

"Oh yeah, um..." Darcy agreed, then turned to check with her uncle.

"I've got dinner plans already," he deferred. "For the whole week. I told you I'd be in the area. I'm here on business of my own, Baby Girl. Being about so I can teach you, that's a perk."

"Alright then," Jane agreed. "Bye then, have, er, fun," she offered, though she was aware that her friend was about to be taught how to use a horrifically sharp weapon.

"Will do!" Darcy crowed.


End file.
